The Planning of a Wedding - Minus One

So, as many of you already know I'm getting married! I know, how exciting is that? I have waited many many years to find my one true love, & now that I found him we are officially tying the knot next September. Although wedding planning can be a thrill & exciting within itself, planning without a loved one is a different story...

Everyone who has kept up with my previous blogs, knows that my best friend & other half, my granddaddy, passed away this past May due to a battle with cancer. I had always dreamed of him being a huge & significant part in my wedding. Walking me down the isle, going to pick out the perfect dress with me, you name it & he was sure a part. To say that I loved him more than life itself is definitely an understatement. We went through everything together, & him being here to celebrate my wedding journey with me was at the top of the list. 

This past week I went to look at wedding dresses, & sure enough I said "Yes to the dress!" It was definitely one of the best days of my life, aside from the day of our engagement. However, there was a part of me that felt empty & to be quite honest, sad. It sure is sad looking at wedding dresses, right? Just kidding. My granddaddy was the other half of me, the 'better half' I like to call it. Being at the bridal salon looking at wedding dress, receiving comments from everyone, & staring at myself in the mirror in all these beautiful gowns really made life start to sink in. When I say 'Life' I mean, my granddaddy no longer being with us. Although he has been gone now for about 2 months, it really took something this big & exciting for me to realize that he is no longer with us. I couldn't help but cry at something that is meant to be so exciting. I can guarantee you that if he was at the store with me that day, he would have an opinion & definitely a say so! "That dress is too tight." "That dress shows too much skin." Although he had many many comments & opinions of his own, picking the perfect dress without him wasn't the same.

As the days pass on, I know for a fact that my grandfather is still with me. No matter where I'm at, who I'm with, or what time of day it is. He's always with me. I would be lying though if I said I haven't been selfish throughout this process, & sometimes even angry with God. "Why did you take him from me?" "Why take him right before something so important to me?" The questions still continuously run through my head. I can honestly say that I have never been so angry & upset about something in my entire life as I am with his passing. However, rather than sitting & dwelling on my loss & wishing something that cannot come true, I need to focus on the present & that he is still with me. 

Now, let me make it clear that planning a wedding without Cohen Mathews is NOT fun. Like there are some parts of the wedding I seriously dread planning, because it's just not the same as if he were here. However, that is not how he would want me to act & go about life, especially planning a wedding. "Let me see that pepsodent smile," he would say. Rather than focusing on the grieving and his loss, be in the present. Take in every moment throughout this process, & be happy! All my granddaddy ever wanted was for me, his sweetheart, to be happy. Heaven gained a precious angel on the day of his passing, and in return I received a guardian angel that is always with me. 

As I wrap up this blog post, & go back to all the crazy wedding planning, I want to leave you guys with something... Embrace life, live in the present, & love your loved ones. We are never promised tomorrow, & at any point your loved one can be gone. Appreciate the days you have & never take them for granted. I can close by saying that I loved my granddaddy unconditionally, & he knew exactly how I felt about him. On September 18th, 2016, my wedding day, he will be there. No he may not walk me down the isle or be sitting on the front row beside my grandmother, but he is there in spirit. 

 

"Grief is like an ocean, it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."

[Vicki Harrison]

XOXO - Savannah

I Call it "LOVE."

On March 14th, 2014 my whole world drastically changed. And let me go ahead and say for the better! On that special day, almost 6 months ago, God introduced to my best friend, lover, boyfriend, and "rock"... Bradley Pope. It's hard to believe that at one point in time, not too long ago, two complete strangers who just recognized each other at the gym or by social media, could end up being so compatible together and in my world the definition of "soul mates." And this is where my love story begins...

When Bradley came into my life in March, I can definitely say that it wasn't one of my strongest times in life. I was having difficulty in college, my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer, I was struggling with my personal faith, and just overall not very happy with life. (Bradley and I now refer to that point in my life as the, "Pre-Bradley.") There were many nights where I would lay in bed and just pray. Pray for my family, friends, school, daily life and troubles, my faith, but most importantly pray about God's plan for me as a young woman. Prior to my life taking a change, I felt like there were days where God would simply say "Hey, you're not supposed to be doing that" or "This isn't who you are supposed to be with and who I have planned for you." It's safe to say that I wasn't fully aware of those signs right off the bat though. Me, as a human being and young woman, I had to learn the hard way. However, once I started opening myself up to God's plan, and forgetting about supposedly "my" plan, that's when things started making a HUGE turn for the better...

So like every new couple, we had our first date, met each other's friends and family, talked a lot, got to know each other... You know the drill. However, lets just say we definitely hit things off because we were dating 3 short weeks later. Guess what? All of a sudden my life was exciting again! I was smiling all the time, always looking forward to tomorrow, couldn't wait to hear his voice and see him any chance I got, and just forgot all the "bad" in my life. The "Pre-Bradley" stage was gone. I know some of you readers are thinking, "Wow, this is so cheesy. How could one person change your life and make you SOOOO happy?" Well readers, all I can say is wait until it happens to you. If someone would have ask me that question about 8 months ago I would probably have laughed in their face and thought they were completely crazy. 

As I mentioned before, Bradley not only fills the position as my boyfriend but has also grown to many other roles in my life. Never have I  ever met such a caring, loving, compassionate, hard working, loyal, and Godly man before in my life prior to meeting him. Based on our pictures, comments on social media, etc. you may think we have a "perfect relationship." HA! You are sadly mistaken. Our relationship isn't always rainbows and butterflies. Bradley and I are just like any other couple when it comes to relationships. We annoy each other, we argue, we disagree, and at times not necessarily "like" each other that much.  But I will say that we work hard for what we have. We never leave an argument unresolved, leave each other with any worry or concern, and always end the day with "I love you."

"I love you." Wow, aren't those 3 pretty powerful words? I'm sure that we all hear those words on a daily basis, whether they are being told to you, or whether you hear someone nearby say them. In my opinion, I believe that every person and every couple give their own unique meaning to "I love you," just as Bradley and I do. After dating Bradley for awhile, boy did my definition of "love" and meaning of "I love you" change. Bradley quickly showed me that "I love you" means surprising you with breakfast/dinner, showing unconditional love for your family as if they were his own, comforting me when I was feeling down, being the BIGGEST supporter in my life regardless the circumstances, and ALWAYS making me feel loved.  

 Bradley and I's relationship continues to grows more and more everyday,  and I can promise you that this is the first of many blogs I will be posting about him and our relationship. It's simply amazing to me how God continues to show me many new reasons every day as to why I am in love with my best friend, and all the wonders he is working within us as a couple. I am now a firm believer of, "Everything happens for a reason," and because of that I am now a proud girlfriend of 6 months to my prince charming and all I could ever ask for. I thank God every day for all of the down times throughout my life, because I wouldn't be the happy Savannah that I am today without my other-half, and the one He had planned for me, Bradley Pope. "I love you."

>>> "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 <<<

xoxo - Savannah 

Let me tell ya about my best friend...

So, I'm guessing that if I ask my fellow readers "Who do you think my best friend is?" they would automatically assume someone around my age, has the same hobbies/likings as me, and is most likely a female too... Well SURPRISE! My best friend is absolutely none of the following. I couldn't be any prouder to say that my best friend is my 86 year old granddaddy, Cohen. He is loving, caring, optimistic, outgoing, stubborn, annoying at times, hard to get along with... shall I continue? I think you guys got it that I know him like the back of my hand and better than anyone else. 

When I was bringing in the new year of 2014, never had I imagined that such a horrific and petrifying thing was going to happen and change my whole world. Back around February of 2014 the big "C" word that everyone cringes to hear struck again... CANCER. My best friend, "sweetheart", and most of all loving granddaddy was diagnosed with cancer again. This time, Squamous-Cell Carcinoma. Not to forget his past two strokes, diabetes problems, and colon cancer back in 2006. He met with many doctors, specialists, and even traveled all the way to Durham, NC to speak with Duke Cancer Center to help find a way to cure his illness. After about a month or so of research, our family decided that taking him on to Duke Medical/Cancer Center was by far the best option for him. He went through 6 weeks of daily radiation treatments, along with doctor's appointments, and was housed in Durham with my grandmother throughout it all. 6 weeks went by, the cancerous spot on his head had shrunk, the doctors were happy with the progress, he was feeling better... they reported the cancer was GONE! Never have I ever been so relieved to hear such good news and also it meant that my granddaddy was coming home to me again.  After 3 months of  being back home, our normal Waffle House trips, car rides, stupid little arguments, and our daily lives together the cancer had decided to come back. Yep, you all know what's going to happen again from here... radiation treatments at Duke again for 6 weeks. 

It has been 2 days since my granddaddy has got back home from Duke and boy can I say I have never been happier! All it took was for me to walk right down my driveway and he was there. One thing that I learned while he was away is that you can never take for granted the time we spend together, even if it's something as simple as dropping in to give him a hug. I have grown up with my granddaddy by my side, every step of the way, and I can honestly say that. He has been a shoulder to cry on, counselor, best friend, father figure, and many other roles when no one else could even come close to meeting them. So you probably think my life is back to normal right? My granddaddy and best friend is back home, I get to see him whenever I want, give him hugs and kisses galore... not quite yet. We are waiting for a follow up appointment in 6 weeks with his doctor to receive the final news on whether the cancer is gone or not. I'm very thankful that he is here to be with me throughout the wait, however bunches of prayers and thoughts would still be greatly appreciated! 

Throughout this whole process of my granddaddy getting cancer, I'm ashamed to say it but I became very angry with God. All I could do was question God as to why he would bring such a horrific thing upon my granddaddy?Why would He put him at any risk of being taken away from me? Why would He want to see him suffer like this? All I could do was question God, every single day, but never once did I look at what God was showing me then... God showed me that I should NEVER take advantage of the one of a kind relationship I have with my granddaddy. Unfortunately it takes life changing things to get a person to step back, look at the whole picture, and realize what they have in front of them. I have became even more thankful for my granddaddy, his presence, the things he does for me, the advice he gives me, anything and everything I am even more thankful for than I was before. 

So enough of the sad story, I think you guys get the picture. My granddaddy has been through A LOT! It's safe to say that my best friend is one of the strongest people I know and continues to amaze me every day throughout everything he does. As I mentioned before, many thoughts and prayers for his recovery would be greatly appreciated along with high hopes at his follow up appointment in 6 weeks! Who ever said that your granddaddy couldn't be your best friend? NOT THIS GIRL. 

 

>>> "He gives strength to the weary 
and increases the power of the weak." -Isaiah 40:29 <<<

XOXO - Savannah